Goddamn I Hate Being An Agent Of The Man

Nothing but a half-assed post for you fine readers. Why? Because I had to do employee evaluations tonight. Why? Because I'm in low-middle management. Why? Because I goofed off too much in college, barely graduating with a "C" average in English. English! What the hell was I thinking?!

Whatever. For the record, college was a blast. Writing employee evaluations? Not so much.

As with most things business-related, it seems these evaluations were a lot easier back in the 1970s. Boss calls dude/dudette into his office around raise time, and one of two things happens: A) The boss says, "Schmitty, you're doing a swell job -- you're getting a raise!" or B) The boss says, "Schmitty, you're really stinking up the place -- no raise for you!" No paperwork, no decimal-pointed scoring systems, no bullshit.

Plus, if it were still the '70s a guy with my job could afford to buy a house. Good luck doing that now, guy!

Awesome Album Covers #2

I won't lie to you: I've been on a Pink Floyd kick lately. It was spurred by a recent report about late Floyd co-founder Syd Barrett's useless crap being auctioned off, and culminated in me finally getting the last piece of what I consider the Floyd Canon*: Music from the Film 'More', a.k.a More. Not a Syd album, true, but I already had those. And for the record, More is every bit as excellent as I remembered it being back in college; The Wall isn't fit to wipe its ass.

Anyhow, if the above leads you to believe that tonight's Awesome Album Cover will come from the Floyd family, then your senses serve you well. Problem is, while the stuff inside Floyd records is almost always gold, the covers often leave much to be desired. Especially when you're dealing with covers from their Golden Age (read: everything pre-Dark Side of the Moon. What can I say, I'm old school).

Fortunately, there's one from that period that meets Awesome Album Covers' strict criteria. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Pink Floyd's
Atom Heart Mother!

What words could I possibly type that could match the confusion generated by running down to your local record store to drop your hard-earned allowance on the first new Pink Floyd release of the 1970s, only to be greeted by this grade-A Holstein? (And no, I'm not old enough to have done that.)

None, my friends. Which is why Atom Heart Mother has an Awesome Album Cover! Sa-lute!

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* All the non-greatest hits studio albums from The Piper at the Gates of Dawn through The Wall, and that last one is just one bad note from being added to my "apocryphal" list.

The Avenging Stamp, Part II

Well, looks like fans are speculating their asses off as to what images will be used on these Marvel stamps. In fact, one of them even came up with his/her own Spider-Woman stamp designs. Following his lead, and stealing his stamp template, I whipped up the following suggestions for the Post Master General re: Sub-Mariner's first-class postage. First up are the two I'd go with if I had my druthers:

Nice, huh? For the cover, we have a classic Silver Age "Angry Namor," attacking the terrified masses of downtown Manhattan, with a solo image lifted from John Buscema's cover to 1968's Sub-Mariner (vol. 2) #1. Of course, The Powers That Be will probably balk at the idea of a stamp depicting a Speedo-clad madman attacking New York City, so we have the following alternatives:

Not too shabby! The iconic Buscema image is still included (and presented in all its glory), while the solo version captures Namor at his angriest. That said, all four of these ignore Subby's Golden Age career, so here's a couple for the real old-timers in the crowd:

Yow! Sub-Mariner "running wild," and a triangle-headed solo shot to boot! What more could you ask for? True, some Nazis in the cover shot would be nice, but there's something about that "Runs Wild!" cover that can't be beat.

The Avenging Stamp

Sweet f'ing mercy! Newsarama reports that Marvel Comics will get its own line of USPS stamps in 2007, following the DC Comics stamps released earlier this year. What amazes me is that Sub-Mariner made the list. Sub-Mariner!!!

Not only is he on it, but he beat out such characters as Daredevil, Dr. Strange, Thor, and a ton of other more recognizable faces. Which is fine by me, 'cause Sub-Mariner is one of my all-time faves, and will no doubt be the focus of an upcoming "Good Things about Comic Books." Imperius motherf'ing Rex, indeed!

Anyways, here's the full list:

• Spider-Man
• The Incredible Hulk
• Sub-Mariner, a.k.a. Prince Namor, a.k.a. the Avenging Son of Atlantis, a.k.a. the Dude Who Will Kick Your Ass If You Make Fun Of His Foot Wings -- Imperius Rex!
• The Thing
• Captain America
• Silver Surfer
• Spider-Woman
• Iron Man
• Elektra
• Wolverine

And note that each of the characters gets two stamps: one of the hero itself, and another featuring one of the hero's most memorable comic book covers. Two street-legal Sub-Mariner stamps! Who could've predicted that?! As for Subby's cover, I'm voting for this one. Why? Because! When was the last time you saw someone giving it to the Nazis on a U.S. stamp? Never? Then it's about time!

Those Who Can, Write; Those Who Can't, Write

Fellow On Time!-er The Far North End has tipped me off to horrible new technology that might make it possible for people to type by thinking. I call bullshit on that, as there are already far too many people writing who have no business doing so. Anyone who's ever taken a creative writing course in college can tell you that.

Unless you were one of the people in the class who couldn't write. In which case you were probably amazed by the high levels of writing talent found at your college. Idiot.

Fact is, just as with illustration, music and other art forms, some people have the talent to write, and some don't. No amount of classroom hours or practice will make a difference if you're in the latter camp. Yet writing seems to attract a higher number of "can't but think they can" types than any of its peers. Must be the easy-to-use interface and lack of required special equipment, especially with the rise of free online publishing. "Can'ts" don't chase dreams of being violinists for long, that's for sure.

If there was just some way to prove my point. Like, a website used by millions of people who think they can write when it's painfully obvious they cannot. You know, some place on the Web where people could leave "logs" about their daily lives for others to read. I bet that would attract bad writers in droves.

Ah well, guess you folks will just have to take my word for it. Shelton out.