Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Hank Williams Jr. Has Earned The Right To Choke The Occasional Bitch

Alright. I'll be honest with you. I was out drinking tonight. That's right, "into my cups" as they say. An old, old friend -- like, since elementary school-old -- was visiting, and he leaves town tomorrow, so we had a good old-fashioned pub crawl before he hit the road. Don't worry about me though; I told my boss I was coming in an hour late tomorrow before I left work tonight. Plus, he and I are now old men so I was home well before midnight, as you can see by this post.

That's right, old men. Or at least, sailing into middle age. It happens. As the wag who runs Superficial.com (or was it WWTDD.com?) recently said: "Hey time, fuck you."

But look, that's not the point. Point is, my main man Hank Williams, Jr. is back in the news, this time 'cause the latest bullshit lawsuit against him is moving forward. Unless you live in a cave, you already know the deal: Bocephus is accused of choking some waitress, amongst other indignities he allegedly foisted on her. But you know what? Fuck that waitress. And before you get all, "Hey you misogynistic motherfucker!" on me, let me assure you I'd say the same thing if it was a waiter.

Why? What the fuck has that waitress ever brought to the table that can outshine Bocephus' accomplishments, that's why. Huh? Tell me that. Did she write "All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight?" "Country Boy Can Survive?" Is she Hank fucking Williams fucking Jr.? Is she the son of motherfucking Hank Williams? Or is she just some dumb piece of shit who won't be remembered 3 fucking weeks after she's dead?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not calling for carte blanche for all celebrities. What I am saying is, there are regular people, there are celebrities (a club that any halfwit can join), and there are icons, and Randall Hank Williams is certainly the latter. And if an icon wants to choke one of us regular people every now and again? Well, fuck. I'd certainly say Hank motherfucking Williams fucking Jr. has earned that motherfucking right. Wouldn't you?

Alright, so I'm kidding about most of this post. Not when it comes to my undying loyalty to any member of the Hank Williams family, though. Besides, you should see the look on your face right now, you liberal motherfucking decent human being. Haw haw on you, madame or sir. Haw haw on you.

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