You Too Can Make Crappy Indie Comics

Shelton here, with a hot tip for you that I got from the latest issue of the Stone: www.com-mix.org.

Long story as short as possible, the site basically works like Colorforms, using art presumably donated by a bushel of indie artists. You select the characters, the background, props, word balloons, etc., then paste them all together into one of six pre-set panel selections. Once done, you save it, and the cartoon is stored on the com-mix website for other visitors to see. Here's some of my handiwork, writing gags for artists Fay Ryu (the dude), Sakura Maku (the lady), and Paul Hoppe (the background); click for a larger version:

The selections are pretty limited, and there's a handful of annoying inconveniences (for example, I wasn't able to get the above example to save on the site with the background intact; am presuming it was a strip memory limitation or something), and outside of doing a screenshot, there's no direct way to save a cartoon to your computer. But, worth a visit if you're into such stuff.

No "sa-lute!" for it, though!

Good Things About Comic Books #2

Man, we've really been on a music kick here at Beat It, Nerd, haven't we? And yes, I mean "we" in the royal sense. Screw you if you don't like it.

Here's something that oughta cheer you up, though -- some quality time with the subject of tonight's GTaCB:

JUDGE DREDD!

First appearing in the pages of England's 2000 AD, Judge Dredd -- better known as Joe to his close, personal friends, of which he has none -- has been patrolling the mean streets of Mega-City One since 1977. And make no mistake: He is the law!

If all you know about Dredd comes from that shitty Sly Stallone flick, then you don't know Dredd. Simple as that. For one thing, the real Judge Dredd never takes off his helmet. Ever. Okay, he did once, but they drew a "censored" bar over his face. Sly Stallone? Dude spent 9/10ths of the movie with his helmet off! What the hell is that about?

Plus, the real Dredd wears preposterously large shoulder pads. Sly's looked quite manageable, and his gloves and boots weren't green, either. I'd like to know who he thought he was fooling with that nonsense.

And don't even get me started on the whole "Judge Dredd getting a girlfriend" thing. I half expected the Easter Bunny to come hopping across the screen at that point. Might as well shoot for the moon once you've gone that far!

No, the real Dredd is nothing like the buffoon Hollywood gave us. The real Dredd is a fascist through and through, and cares for nothing save punishing the guilty. If you commit a crime in his presence -- any crime, no matter how small -- you will receive the maximum sentence allowed by law. And if that sentence is death? So much the better as far as he's concerned; it's one less perp crowding the streets!

All of which makes Judge Dredd a Good Thing about Comic Books. Sa-lute!

The Avenging Stamp, Part II

Well, looks like fans are speculating their asses off as to what images will be used on these Marvel stamps. In fact, one of them even came up with his/her own Spider-Woman stamp designs. Following his lead, and stealing his stamp template, I whipped up the following suggestions for the Post Master General re: Sub-Mariner's first-class postage. First up are the two I'd go with if I had my druthers:

Nice, huh? For the cover, we have a classic Silver Age "Angry Namor," attacking the terrified masses of downtown Manhattan, with a solo image lifted from John Buscema's cover to 1968's Sub-Mariner (vol. 2) #1. Of course, The Powers That Be will probably balk at the idea of a stamp depicting a Speedo-clad madman attacking New York City, so we have the following alternatives:

Not too shabby! The iconic Buscema image is still included (and presented in all its glory), while the solo version captures Namor at his angriest. That said, all four of these ignore Subby's Golden Age career, so here's a couple for the real old-timers in the crowd:

Yow! Sub-Mariner "running wild," and a triangle-headed solo shot to boot! What more could you ask for? True, some Nazis in the cover shot would be nice, but there's something about that "Runs Wild!" cover that can't be beat.

The Avenging Stamp

Sweet f'ing mercy! Newsarama reports that Marvel Comics will get its own line of USPS stamps in 2007, following the DC Comics stamps released earlier this year. What amazes me is that Sub-Mariner made the list. Sub-Mariner!!!

Not only is he on it, but he beat out such characters as Daredevil, Dr. Strange, Thor, and a ton of other more recognizable faces. Which is fine by me, 'cause Sub-Mariner is one of my all-time faves, and will no doubt be the focus of an upcoming "Good Things about Comic Books." Imperius motherf'ing Rex, indeed!

Anyways, here's the full list:

• Spider-Man
• The Incredible Hulk
• Sub-Mariner, a.k.a. Prince Namor, a.k.a. the Avenging Son of Atlantis, a.k.a. the Dude Who Will Kick Your Ass If You Make Fun Of His Foot Wings -- Imperius Rex!
• The Thing
• Captain America
• Silver Surfer
• Spider-Woman
• Iron Man
• Elektra
• Wolverine

And note that each of the characters gets two stamps: one of the hero itself, and another featuring one of the hero's most memorable comic book covers. Two street-legal Sub-Mariner stamps! Who could've predicted that?! As for Subby's cover, I'm voting for this one. Why? Because! When was the last time you saw someone giving it to the Nazis on a U.S. stamp? Never? Then it's about time!

Good Things About Comic Books #1

Shelton here, launching an exciting new feature at Beat It, Nerd: “Good Things about Comic Books.” Unless you’re really stupid, you can probably guess the angle.

As a little background, I technically work in the funnybook biz -- but only at its most soulless, disinteresting level -- and have had an on-again, off-again relationship with the medium since I was 5 or so. So yeah, I’ve probably formed some opinions in that time. And because I’m quite self-absorbed, I think the rest of you can’t wait to hear them! So without further adieu, here’s GTaCB’s debut subject…

JUGHEAD JONES!

Born Forsythe Pendleton Jones, this felt crown-wearing funnyman has been the smirking, smart-alecky peanut butter to Archie Andrews’ nice-guy jelly since your dad was still in short pants. Or maybe since your granddad was still in short pants, whatever. That's not the point. The point is, Jughead rules, and there's a bunch of other slacker doofuses -- Maynard T. Krebs (and his cousin Gilligan), Norville "Shaggy" Rogers, Jeff Spicoli, et al -- who owe him a big debt of gratitude.

Take his legendary hamburger-eating ability, rivaled only by Wellington J. Wimpy and the aforementioned Norville Rogers. Or the cool way he flaunts authority! Or his skills with a paint brush! Shit, dude's even in the Time Police! That's purely off the hook!!!

Plus, the blog’s title was inspired by Jughead. Thanks to the AV Club’s excellent “Decade by Decade with Archie Comics,” I came across this little gem from when Jughead became a punk rocker in the '80s:

Needing a name for this blog, I thought of that line, but mis-remembered it as the one I went with. No matter, as I prefer "Beat it" to "Back off" anyhow, and it keeps me from being a total ripoff artist. But I digress. Getting back to the point...

Sa-lute, Jughead Jones! You’re a good thing about comic books!