A Damn Fine Abraham Lincoln Quote

"Stand with anybody that stands right. Stand with him while he is right and part with him when he goes wrong."
-- Abe Lincoln

Alright, I'll come clean: for reasons that have nothing to do with this blog, Star Trek or Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, I've been thinking about ol' Honest Abe a good bit lately. In fact, the more observant amongst you might have noticed that, in my rant about all the free publicity for that new Samuel Jackson movie, a Google search for Abe was the first comparison I grabbed. What can I say? I like the cut of his jib.

Abe Lincoln took no shit from fools.

Take the above quote, part of a speech given on October 16, 1854, in Peoria, IL. It's Twainsian in its simple wisdom (or wise simplicity?), with just the hint of a barb thrown in for good measure. Only now that I think about it, Lincoln came before Twain, so maybe Twain's stuff should be considered Lincolnsian? Either way, I think the closest George W. Bush equivalent is "You are either with us or against us in the fight against terror." Which is really a Bizarro of Lincoln's quote; might for right vs. might makes right, and all that.

Bush, on the other hand, is a fool who gives shit to those who will take it.

But hey, I'm not here to talk politics. If you must know, I'm a socially liberal (even libertarian), fiscally conservative non-partisan voter who doesn't think the country should bomb anyone without a real damn good reason, and usually winds up voting Democrat because Republicans are against a lot of shit that I like and/or I think is wrong to be against. But if they stopped making each other richer and declaring war on hopeless 2nd/3rd-world cultures and ran a man like Abraham Lincoln again, well. I might just find myself pulling a GOP lever come election day.

Based on the current crop of Republican leaders, though, I put those chances at slightly lower than that of the Vatican okaying abortion clinics at Catholic churches. I wouldn't bet on it is what I'm saying, and I'm thinking Abe Lincoln wouldn't, either.

I've Had It With This Motherf'ing Free Hype For The Motherf'ing Man

Don't get me wrong. I like Samuel L. Jackson as much as the next movie fan. Would love to hear what he really thinks about those horrible Star Wars flicks he got suckered into doing. (Same goes for Ewan MacGregor on that point... and speaking of which, where'd he go since Sith? Don't tell me the Star Wars curse has struck again!)

But what the fuck is with all the free bandwidth you people keep giving to New Line to promote its new movie? You know, the one about the aeroplane stuffed to the gills with legless reptiles. That one.

Samuel L. Jackson isn't the problem, people giving free publicity to a multi-billion-dollar movie studio -- and then paying to see their movie -- is the problem.

As of right now, a specific Google search for, uh, "that movie's title" (in quotes) turns up 18,300,000 pages. Abraham Lincoln? 23 million. That's right. Dude's on Mt. Rushmore, the five-dollar bill, the penny, classic Star Trek and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and he gets less than 5 million pages more than a movie about, you know, those things on the thing. And in what I find to be an even more startling statistic, the Sex Pistols only net 6,260,000 pages! The frikkin' Sex Pistols! Just 1/3 as page-worthy as a movie co-starring a bunch of badly CGI-ed serpents!

For the most part, those 18,300,000 pages are the result of millions of John Q. Publics spending millions of hours making electronic odes to a B-movie that no one's even seen yet. And who primarily benefits from that labor of love? New Line Cinema, the studio that bankrolled the movie and will reap the profits when it inevitably emerges as the nation's #1 film. I'm sure they appreciate your efforts.

Not that I'm not going to see it, mind you. Like I said, I'm a Jackson fan, and I can't blame him for having it with those motherfucking things. I'm just not lifting a finger to help a bunch of fat cats get fatter. Especially considering my deep-seated hatred of cats.