Thursday, August 17, 2006

I've Had It With This Motherf'ing Free Hype For The Motherf'ing Man

Don't get me wrong. I like Samuel L. Jackson as much as the next movie fan. Would love to hear what he really thinks about those horrible Star Wars flicks he got suckered into doing. (Same goes for Ewan MacGregor on that point... and speaking of which, where'd he go since Sith? Don't tell me the Star Wars curse has struck again!)

But what the fuck is with all the free bandwidth you people keep giving to New Line to promote its new movie? You know, the one about the aeroplane stuffed to the gills with legless reptiles. That one.

Samuel L. Jackson isn't the problem, people giving free publicity to a multi-billion-dollar movie studio -- and then paying to see their movie -- is the problem.

As of right now, a specific Google search for, uh, "that movie's title" (in quotes) turns up 18,300,000 pages. Abraham Lincoln? 23 million. That's right. Dude's on Mt. Rushmore, the five-dollar bill, the penny, classic Star Trek and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and he gets less than 5 million pages more than a movie about, you know, those things on the thing. And in what I find to be an even more startling statistic, the Sex Pistols only net 6,260,000 pages! The frikkin' Sex Pistols! Just 1/3 as page-worthy as a movie co-starring a bunch of badly CGI-ed serpents!

For the most part, those 18,300,000 pages are the result of millions of John Q. Publics spending millions of hours making electronic odes to a B-movie that no one's even seen yet. And who primarily benefits from that labor of love? New Line Cinema, the studio that bankrolled the movie and will reap the profits when it inevitably emerges as the nation's #1 film. I'm sure they appreciate your efforts.

Not that I'm not going to see it, mind you. Like I said, I'm a Jackson fan, and I can't blame him for having it with those motherfucking things. I'm just not lifting a finger to help a bunch of fat cats get fatter. Especially considering my deep-seated hatred of cats.

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